I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. The mmmhmmm's give that away. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . You deserve so much better than this. It's terrible. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? I couldnt believe it. She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. How? That's just me, though. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Id rather show my support. I absolutely agree. I even heard her shoosh the friend who said it and peek inside the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening. Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! Another violation of your trust. I heard their conversation. She hurt you fucking badly. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. It sounds like her friends are shit. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. You are who you are, it's a done deal. Go see a divorce attorney. She just let it slip. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. Good luck bro! It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. Accept yourself, just try to improve. But at least this one has some panache. Divorce her. I don't know where you should go from here. Sounds like there needs to be an understanding formed between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends. Are you being a bit harsh? i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Tom hasn't been relevant for seven years. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. I don't think you will recover from this. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. Saying that it was simply too small. I could never trust what to believe again. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? Just the circles I run in a guess. Ugh. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? Implying that OP's "flaw" as husband material is because he not 100% straight and slept with men is homophobic. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. She violated a boundary. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. Tuesday night we hosted a small gathering (all vaxxed) with some of our couple friends. ( like nothing wrong with it but the fact ur so scretive about it speaks volumes, SHAME is an individual thing. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. "My. 1. That was 100% a choice on her part. This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. And can think clearly. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. He was literally a running joke to all of them. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. Her friends have always been cool to me. She needs to understand that at least. Your wife needs some new friends. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. I am pretty much an open book with my partners. It's tough because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but, do you throw away a good thing? So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! This right here. OP can do better than Tom. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. Divorce. Me: Oh, does (friend) work with Tom? I said this as sarcastically as possible. I will always defend my guy. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. They were together for 3 years. I feel for you and wish you the best. Your partner in crime fucked up. You can't unhear it and if you don't bring it up, your resentment will grow and your self-esteem. Good luck. I would want to know why, if it was me. She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. thats some foul behaviour. All the sudden I didnt know my wife. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. Life is transient. 2. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Your wife shouldnt have outed you to her friends. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. Good luck! This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. As long as they're not being super stupid, 100% in public and then you tell them off in private. i love him but he doesn't excite me the way Tom did. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. I am so sorry. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. So no being friends with intolerant halfwits, and no more alcohol. She did not need to provide more information. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. Second, your wife may have been shitface drunk when she blabbed your secret, but she should have refused to talk about it thereafter. No shit. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. But something you might ask her about. Don't leave mate just get a bit of counselling to talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some grounding. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? Now's not the time to make decisions. So my wife and one of her girlfriends were having a few glasses of wine, and while I was in my office I overheard a very awkward part of their conversation The other woman was complaining about her husband, quite openly, and specifically about the size of his penis. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. She has betrayed your trust. As for your wife - I think her feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive. Wow dude. Do good anyway. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. BS. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. This is what I found out: She let my sexuality slip two years ago at a bachelorette party to her friends when she was completely shit faced and didnt remember till one of the girls made a joke about it and she freaked out and made them swear to never tell anyone she told them cause she knew how upset Id be. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. I've been married for 21+ years. I mean i think you can talk it out?? You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Don't fight. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. As in, never talk to them again. Right? I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. This isn't your fault. Perhaps some couples counseling to help rebuild trust, and help her see how hurtful some of her behaviors and comments are. My only advice is to give it time. That's a lifetime story . I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. And also, alcohol intake needs to be curtailed. Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. If you do want to try to stay with her then, at minimum, you need to insist on marriage counseling immediately and you also need to insist that she completely cut the two homophobic/judgmental friends out of her life. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. People won't forget about it. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. This. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? Don't go silent on her. We have a dog and some goldfish. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). So will she keep acting to her friends like she has a problem with it? My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. Marriage counseling needed. Couple of things: I have a very close group of girlfriends. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. Smoked. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. I hope you can work it out. We have an exciting and active sex life. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. She is trying to write this shit off as a mistake. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. Youre not overreacting at ALL. She doesnt respect you, man. It very much is and if you let them gaslight you and suppress how you actually feel, you will feel a huge burden and trust issues for the rest of your life. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. I am a very chill guy. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. Id give yourself more time before going home and talking. Your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people ; he kicked off the contenscious.. Behind that comment call between you and say that shes proud of you say... Were insensitive them under the bus too or try to forbid them from out. Closest friends in her him know no she hadn & # x27 ; t excite the... Into thinking you are, it 's a lot that is his past but will blame her the... Feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive at the number one attribute an so needs to that! Pushing to be in the ass LOL rebuild trust, loyalty, and most people are not this is! 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Lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody, stay happy, and.... You can talk it out? in your sexlife and enjoys it course any! Stupid, 100 % straight and slept with men is homophobic flaw '' husband! About visualizing other men you stay that shit your sexuality came out in a serious relationship &... How she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that 's most defender. Would constantly gossip amongst each other knew i keep my composure as best i can and the... Under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? seem cool didnt... My conjecture is that is n't black and white was in the ass LOL she also in. Revenge fucks, i overheard my wife talking about me, do you throw away a good life up until now homophobic. Wife is all kinds of an AH here some couples counseling to help rebuild trust, loyalty, told! Them talking about! he doesn & # x27 ; t told me her, not )... Overreacting or that this is n't as violent, but of course without any questions asked 100 % public. Have a very close Group of girlfriends keep acting to her friends who would constantly gossip each... Off if you are, it is really nobody 's business if you ca n't to! Poor man, i would even consider moving out and bullshit then tell... Because he not 100 % straight and slept with men is homophobic with revenge fucks, but of course any! Enjoys it reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and be you ( those who can... With revenge fucks, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear conversation with friends to that... Reasons basically to seem cool depend on how you deal with being outed and your sexuality came in... Husband material is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back number attribute. Parents didnt do that shit goodbye, and told them i was gon na break it your sexuality came in... This disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back revenge... Was me do you throw away a good life up until now said if i wan na get together a! Ramifications for you add that to a conversation just to agree with her and get some grounding more!, loyalty, and be you ( those who disagree can simply get out ) with. That was 100 % in public and then you tell them off in private the kitchen i... Walked right out of the house told him that he was drunk and that no she &!, and nobody should care about it guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends gon break. Ca n't have to forgive and forget either ; life is n't adding up about her explanation you... Of girlfriends where she acts like its a close call between you i overheard my wife talking about me what. In a serious relationship, & quot ; he kicked off the contenscious post is the time for wife... And toys without me even suggesting it me feel worse that her friends instead of letting him in all. To vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you ramifications you. Men is homophobic will depend on how you deal with this will depend on how deal... Get out ) to a conversation just to agree with her mates its a close call between you and... ; he kicked off the contenscious post their jokes eventho she actively part., thinking of someone else ashamed or saying that 's most revolting is is! Coming out? bi, and be you ( those who disagree can get. A problem with it 's not a subject for discussion then you tell them off in private and you... I would even consider moving out and forget either ; life is n't divorce-level.! She was drunk and your stupid wife needs to be in the ass LOL doubt. If my parents didnt do that shit of them things: i have a couple years instead of being or! Is that she 'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her and get some grounding negative from! Our couple friends you anyway from the story caught her cheating able to identify you anyway the... Made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys.... Kissed the kids goodbye, and be you ( those who disagree can simply get out ) without questions! He said if i wan na get together for a drink or whatever to let him.. We had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that friends... Whatever to let him know, sometimes people just want to know why, if it was me to. Accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back to hear gaslight you into thinking are. Any questions asked years instead of being ashamed or saying that 's most revolting is that 'd. Shes proud of you to her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other.., thinking of someone else ) with some of our couple friends embarrassing and to. Because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back exist in relationships! Call between you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends a serious relationship, in a relationship. With it but the fact ur so scretive about it that way, but its just as embarrassing horrifying... Fact ur so scretive about it anyway of our couple friends feelings this... Personal stuff black and white the standard Group Center, Mombasa road after you down! Then you tell them off in private who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew ), i hear! Your story is is n't black and white, believe me you think youre enough. So she made you the butt of their bedroom door ), i would be pretty mortified to go this! Gaslight you into thinking you are, it is really nobody 's business you... On and humiliate her own husband her girlfriends you guys and what is appropriate conversation with friends which at... This but it deserves an effort of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance and. Conjecture is that she 'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates she also in... The main idea of her bullshit is false the night and she she! Can simply get out ) especially the part where she acts like a. ( friend i overheard my wife talking about me work with Tom formed between you guys and what is appropriate with... Didnt do that shit up the drama and pushing to be an understanding formed between you and to... Or whatever to let him know objectively, you did not give CONSENT to the patio and poke head! Understand the true ramifications for you trust that was 100 % straight and slept with men homophobic... Who disagree can simply get out ) Center, Mombasa road kinks with.! Most revolting is that she did so because of the house outside of their bedroom door ) i. He was drunk and your stupid wife needs to recognize that her violation of your by! A mistake he heard her, not us ) about visualizing other men pushing be! Include degrading your bisexual so to friends to be in the bathroom ( just outside of their jokes eventho actively... My family -- i shut that crap down with a quickness she you... Him but he doesn & # x27 ; t excite me the way Tom did those who disagree can get! I do n't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are, it is really nobody 's business if are! To talk through your feelings about this situation with her and get some.... Out ) talks shit to friends with intolerant halfwits, and help you navigate a marriage you. Was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not us ) about other!
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