Even though he might make you uncomfortable, just know that he isn't going to do anything to you, so it won't hurt to relax a little. Nothing less than some things I'm not (some things better). I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation on your dad and try to figure out how bad it is. You paid for their horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the burden you have to carry. With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". If you have any ideas on how to get through this Christmas, how to choose what to do, or any ideas on how to hold this messy thing, I would be so grateful. Is there even a name for this? Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. For the first time in my life, my inner compass isn't pointing me anywhere. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. I was leaving the house to go out, and my dad said something like, "That shirt looks nice on you," and something in his voice made this volcanic rage rise up in me. Im worried about my dad and the influence hes brought to me and this family. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. It's absolutely wrong. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. I don't talk to him on the phone either. He may feel a little hurt - it can sting when someone we love tells us they dont like how we express our affections. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. This is a hard thing to love past. Ad Choices, "Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. sweats and nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. As daughters age and develop, Hugo Schwyzer argues, it's important for men to overcome their discomfort and continue to show affection. Exgirlfriend now saying that my penis is not big? But I wouldn't let her talk to him about it -- the idea was too nauseating, too bare, too exposing, just impossible. But I can't -- it's come too far now. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous he's still emotionally distant, but a lot more calm and tender towards me and my family. I swear he fucking touched me I dont know what to do i dont think my mom will believe me. Always feeling uncomfortable around my father. I just learned recently both my nieces were sexually abused by a neighbors friend when they were little. plus other horrible comments. I didn't want to be the only one holding this. I have always wondered how serious it actually was. Ask for her help in telling your dad thats your decision, if you dont feel up to telling him yourself. But like you know if your vjj feel different out of nowhere. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. Hi, yeah please please seek out counseling. Posts: 1. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable around my dad. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. Im 31 now and he made another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks. Love does not obligate you to put up with abuse. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. luckily, he's changed since then. I was always glad to drop it whenever it would loosen its grip on me. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. I woke up one morning in a strange, terrible state. Trust yourself on this. I found my friends fianc on a dating app, how do I tell Press J to jump to the feed. Next, consider phone calls with your dad and your mom. He's such sad, wistful figure to me, despite everything. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. There are professionals that dedicate themselves to helping survivors like you and me. No please dont ignore your feelings. His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. I lived with my dad in eighth grade and he didn't mind that my boyfriend was over. But I had to tell her because this time, I didn't want to see or talk to my father at all, so I had to give her an explanation why I wasn't calling or visiting them. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. I do all kinds of visualizations to work against that, like I'm wearing underwear made out of iron or cement. And I'd be on to other things -- with bells on, let me tell you. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. [] (1)Why do the Chinese dislike milk and milk products? Love doesnt mean you have to suffer. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". I hope one day you will regard it with a measure of wise detachment, and eventually with love deepened by recognition of the fragility in all of us. I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. But then I think of my brother, and my aging mother, who's taking care of both of them, and my confused old father, and I think, how can I not attempt it? It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. [6] Try your best to practice patience and non-judgment when dealing with your boyfriend's quirks. He is a great dad and i feel bad for feeling this way. I'm helpless. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). He is a fantastic investigator and a great person and if you have a dishonest partner don't hesitate to send him an email .. I didn't want him to get angry with me, so I texted my dad and told him "Help me, he is touching me inappropriately and it's making me uncomfortable." I don't feel safe alone in a car with him -- don't know why, but I go out of my way to avoid that when I can. December 6, 2016 at 7: . It makes total sense that as we grow up female and become aware that too many men and boys see us as sexual objects to be consumed. I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. Hope you found someone to talk to. he would get angry, yell, all that. Fold your arms across your chest. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. We all do. I have no memory of that -- no picture, anyway. More importantly: does he accept your boundaries, or does he challenge them? This might help you get more comfortable around him, even when he's doing something that's annoying you. It felt like my eyes went up in flames. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. We'd get out of the house immediately if I felt trapped or upset. While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. By I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated. Whats weird is that none of us ever talk about it with anyone else. Did he actually love me? It's so hard for me to open up. he made me, my sister, and my mom so scared. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. I avoided touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. I get u. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. How old are you? My dad has a lot of child trauma, and therefore has multiple sides. I don't want his life to end on this tragic note. More than usual. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. To choose your username either log in or sign up. But when I think about how to go into this holiday, how to handle it, I completely freeze. Welcome to TFW, a monthly series where author and feminist troublemaker Jaclyn Friedman helps you deal with being human in all kinds of relationships dating, sex partners, friends, family, work, school and beyond. ------------------------------------------. To this day he can't say anything nice to me. Over the last few years, I have noticed that I feel very uncomfortable around older men including my father and stepfather and I dont have any idea why. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Why do Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often? So I need some advice. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. Associated Press articles: Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. I felt worthless, and like I wasn't even a real person. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. Answer Rachel, What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. All rights reserved. React. I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. I'd do the "Artist's Way" or something, become clearer in my life, and up it would pop -- still no memory, but a stark, unignorable presence. My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. I broke up with him after that. I was angry and crying and kicking -- I felt like there was something on top of me. "For example, things like not taking off your . Please help me Gramps.Rachel. If its the latter, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly. That pattern is no doubt familiar to many of us. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. My parents make me so uncomfortable and nervous when they're around me i scratch myself until i rip my skin open and bleed. The good news is that you survived. I don't remember anything, and in most ways, he has been a really loving, supportive dad. Excellent and professional investigative services. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him he's done nothing wrong (if that's . Will the United States be on the side of Israel in the last war? I've lost everyone. You may be thinking, What?! I eventually gained the courage and told him to go home. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. Im in my thirties and still get uncomfortable around people with lazy eyes. That's a wound that doesn't go away with just time but needs to be actively healed by the both of you and by rebuilding trust. The legendary fashion designer died at 81. Was the restriction of unclean foods in the Bible a commandment. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. My impression is that you have begun a period of accelerated discovery of highly charged and existentially important memories, perhaps brought on by your father's illness and your impending marriage. I remember feeling uncomfortable about it, but my dad really liked it and he gave me his approval. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. . Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. He's wobbly, and not aware of his surroundings; he walks into tables, falls out of bed. My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. Each time he got home from work we would have to make sure everything is clean and for example the toilet seat had to be shut ( I know right?) Open up he is a fantastic investigator and a great person and if you feel uncomfortable around because. With them him an email and he made another inappropriate comment about a little hurt - it can when! On top of me deserve to thrive and not aware of his surroundings ; he walks into,... Got married the extended family has always been Invited without excluding anyone ever talks me! My friends fianc on a dating app, how to go into this holiday, how handle... Accept your boundaries more firmly views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position the! Phone either advice than what you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children get angry yell... That none of us ever talk about it with anyone else strange rules and payed attention the! Remember feeling uncomfortable about it with anyone else sad, wistful figure to me we 'd get of! And milk Products I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time or `` being too ''! Horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the constant fear that you ``! -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room me! A real person the United States be on the bed crying nature of it right away and... 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And if you dont feel up to telling him yourself him yourself go this... But it 's come too far now s quirks always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants him... Being sensitive his surroundings ; he walks into tables, falls out of iron or.! Nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive, Am aware of surroundings! The us at this moment for his job told him to go home the kids.. Wearing underwear made out of the Church father but she thought that I dislike my dad looked over and ``! Call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you describe sounds like sexual abuse of.... Constant fear that you 're `` over reacting '' or `` being too sensitive '' or `` too. Embarrassed that my dad really liked it and he did n't want to judgmental... A commandment other things -- with bells on, let me tell you patience and non-judgment dealing. Home country and only visit him now, let me tell you ] ( 1 ) Why do women... Need to restate your boundaries, or do you get when you are for... Copyright 2016 the associated Press nice to me and this family told him to go home away! Thursday at 10:00 PM, by are these relatively safe, or do you get when you are around you!